It’s not the same for every woman

My boyfriend and I love life. We’ve been together for almost 6 years. We have had some amazing times together and many memories. We’ve always been very careful when it came to making love but just 2 weeks ago I peed on a home pregnancy test and it came back very positive.

It was a shock.

I just stood there with the test shaking in disbelief. I’ve gone all these years without getting pregnant and then all of a sudden I’m standing on my bathroom floor trying to figure out who to tell.

After a few minutes, I grabbed the phone and called one of my sisters. She just asked if I was I sure and what was I going to do. I live with another one of my older sisters and my mom lives in the next state. So, I finally took a deep breath and went downstairs to show my sister the positive test. She was not mad and was very supportive. She started telling me what steps I should take next, like calling an OB-GYN and getting prenatal vitamins.

I decided I would tell my boyfriend, Corey*, when I saw him the next weekend, but the next day on the phone, I could not keep it in. I just had to tell him.

Corey was in disbelief for a long time, then got very quiet. I could hear him trying to cover up his sniffing from his tears.

At first I was very happy VERY happy for the first 3 days I knew I was pregnant, but then reality set in and it really hit me: I was going to have a baby and my life was going to completely change forever. I broke down and started crying for the first time. The next day I cried more and each day after that got worse. By the time the weekend arrived, I was completely depressed.

Corey said we would get married, move in together, and have the baby, but I knew it wasn’t what he wanted and neither did I. I love that man so much and I would never want him to do something he did not want to do.

My depression got worse and worse in the next week and I started thinking of suicide. Finally, Corey and I talked about our options and decided it was best if we didn’t keep it. We just weren’t ready to have a child. We still had a million things we wanted to do before a child.

I called a clinic and made my appointment. Corey is taking me and going to pay for it.

I’ve cried about it, not because I’m not sure it’s what I want, but because it’s a very hard thing to do. However, I am very happy to know women have a choice. Some may call it selfish, cruel, or even evil, but it’s not the same for every woman.

Depression is not a pretty thing nor is it safe. This is what my pregnancy brought to me.

Corey and I are still very much in love. I’m very scared about this appointment, but I know I’m doing what’s best for US. I know my child will return to God and will one day forgive me. He/she will have a better life up there then I could ever give down here.

I have hope I will return to being happy and well again, all because I have this choice. And for that I am thankful.

— Mallory*


*Names have been changed to protect the author’s privacy. This story was submitted to NAF through our Patient Partnership Program. You can share your abortion care story here

Share this Post